I Could Never Love You
by Guess.Guava
Summary: It was said in a moment of blind rage. It was said and she couldn't take it back. She knew she couldn't. So when they stood there in shocked silence, she gathered her courage and repeated those five words that caused him so much pain.
1. Part 1

He was James Potter. Marauder, prankster, and the bane of Filch's existence. To everyone he was a rich pureblood and the handsome son of respected aurors. To her he was Potter, or sodding git. She said he was the bane of her existence as well.

She was Lily Evans. Prefect, hard working and half the teacher's favorite student. To everyone she was a muggleborn with no connections or status. To him she was Evans, or Lily flower. She was the love of his life.

He loved her, but she said she could never love him. It was said in a moment of blind rage. It was said and she couldn't take it back. She knew she couldn't. So when they stood there in shocked silence, she gathered her courage and repeated those five words that caused him so much pain.

"I could never love you,"

To him it wasn't the, "I hate you" that he had heard her say so many times. This was new and it struck to the very core of his being. He had spent four years chasing her with the hope that one day she would love him like he loved her. It would have hurt less if she had said those five words at the beginning. At the beginning when she was only a pretty girl who had refused him, a challenge, but every moment he had chased her he had fallen farther and farther in love with her. So in love that those five words felt like a knife in his heart. A heart that was so devoted to her that without her it crumbled.

To her it was an escape. Those five words were a sword she swung, with deadly accuracy, to fight him off. He scared her, and Lily Evans did not like being scared. He made her angry and sad and elated. He made her feel so many things that she couldn't think, she couldn't reason and she didn't understand it. She said those five words and everything was still, she could see clearly. She looked at him and saw the hurt. So she looked away, she walked away. She couldn't look at him without feeling guilt, and guilt would shatter the glass of her new world.

She walked away, and this time he didn't chase after her. He watched till she turned a corner and he lost sight of her. Those were the last words they spoke to each other in sixth year. It was March.

By June, when the train stopped to pick up the weary students after another year at Hogwarts, Lily had forgotten. Maybe not forgotten entirely. She had pushed it so far back into her mind, and locked it up, so that she never thought of it. Not even when she saw him. Her marks in school soared in those four months. She was focused and threw herself into her school work with vigor. She spent every waking moment immersed in her studies. She spent so much time studying that by the time summer rolled around she had nothing to do. She thought of owling her friends but she couldn't think of what to say. She didn't even know what they had planned. She spent her summer in her room alone, never sending or receiving letters.

James had not forgotten. It ached with every step he took. He never talked about it, but his friends knew. They were there when he threw things, or when he let out a single sob. They waited patiently till he finished digging himself deeper into his personal despair, and then they helped him pull himself out. He slowly gathered the pieces of his heart and, with the help of his friends, stitched it back together. It wasn't perfect, he had scars, that only time could heal, but that made him stronger. By the time seventh year came he was a new man.

He was Head Boy.

She was Head Girl.

He tried to not let it bother him. He had learned that Lily was so intricately woven into his being that he could never get rid of her. It was hard but he taught himself to squash any feeling that rose, whether they were love, heartbreak, or even anger.

Lily was falling apart. Everywhere she turned he was there, but it wasn't him anymore. He was mature and responsible and no longer pranked others. He didn't laugh, his smile never reached his eyes, he wasn't James Potter. She had gotten what she wanted, James Potter was gone and someone else had taken his place. He made her feel nothing, and it scared her even more. So she would rage at him, yell and scream, and try to get him to show some emotion. He would take it with a blank face and cold eyes, then walk away and leave her empty.

She loved him. It was said in a moment of desperate anger. It was said and she couldn't take it back. So when they stood there in shocked silence he repeated those five words that caused him so much pain.

"I could never love you."

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**A/N- I'm planning on making this a two-shot so if you want to know what happens after this please review. I'd very much appreciate any feedback you can give me!**


	2. Part 2

**A/N- Here is Part 2! I don't know what I think of it overall, so I hope it does justice to the first part. Enjoy!**

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_She loved him. It was said in a moment of desperate anger. It was said and she couldn't take it back. So when they stood there in shocked silence he repeated those five words that caused him so much pain._

_"I could never love you."_

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"Why?" She asked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Why?"

"Yes, you used to love me."

He laughed, "I was a fool. I let you control my whole heart, I gave you the power to destroy me and you used it. I let you define me and when you were gone what was I then? So do you think I could love you again?" How could she do this. How could she cause so much pain and just when the scars started healing she rips them open again.

They stood there for a long time, neither moving. "What about you?"

"What?" Lily jerked her head up at his voice breaking the silence.

"Why did you say it first." He was cracking, he needed to know why she had done this to him.

"You scared me." she whispered, "You could make me angry, or sad, or happy. It seemed like you could make me feel whatever you bloody well wanted me to feel. I couldn't concentrate, you made everything confusing and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't have you invading my mind and taking hold of my thoughts. You scared me and I had to get rid of you before something worse happened. So I got rid of you, and it happened anyway. I got rid of James Potter, and replaced him with a ghost. They were right, whoever said you don't know what you have until it's gone, and now you're gone. I destroyed you and then I realized, that I loved you."

"Perfect timing Evans." James all but spat.

"So you think this is my fault?"

"Yes,"

"Well it isn't, it's your's," Lily glared. She had spilled her heart out to him and he didn't even have the decency to forgive her.

"Don't you dare say this is my fault. I wasn't the one who said it first!" James fumed.

"It? I wouldn't have said it if it hadn't been for you." Lily yelled.

"Me?"

"Yes, you! If you weren't so bloody distracting."

"How am I distracting?"

"The way you run your hands through your hair-"

"I thought you hated that?"

"I do, it's bloody distracting, how many times do I have to say it. You run your hands through your hair and I can't think. I can't do my homework, because you're sitting right there, and... What?"

James was grinning at her. "You know you sound ridiculous, don't you?"

Lily huffed and blew the hair out of her eyes, "And you're smiling."

James laughed, "We're the most ridiculous, dim witted people who ever lived."

Lily laughed too, "Love makes you do crazy things."

James sobered up at that, "I still love you."

Lily smiled, tears glistening in her eyes, "I should have realized I loved you sooner."

"It's not going to be perfect between us, Lily. We've both done things we regret."

"We made mistakes, but we learned from them."

"Is that enough?"

"It is for now."

"And what if it isn't, later?"

"James, let's not dwell on the past, or worry about the future. What matters is how you feel right here, right now." She grabbed his hand and laced her fingers through his. "Go out with me?"

James grinned and, in answer, bent down and kissed her.

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**A/N- What did you think? Please review! Even though it's finished it still helps me get motivated to write more if you review.**


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